My child support saga began almost 13 years ago. I am sharing it with you, hoping that I can reach out to other people who are sick of dealing with their respective states when it comes to collecting child support.
I had a child with my high school boyfriend. He was a football player and I was a cheerleader. We had an on again/off again-type of relationship. When I found out I was pregnant I was entering college. It turns out that I was actually pregnant when I graduated high school, but I just didn’t know it yet. When I found out I was pregnant I felt as though the earth turned upside down and I landed ass first. Hard. My baby’s dad was the son of one of my dad’s best friends. Sadly, my father passed away almost 2 years prior to this. I called Lonnie (that’s the so-called man who fathered my child) to break the news that we were going to have a child. He had already heard about it from someone else, which was weird since I hadn’t told anyone. He refused to talk to me, and then refused to take my calls. At this point I was already 6 months along and starting to get really nervous about what part he was going to take in her life. My mother finally called his mother. His mother’s attitude was about the same as his was. She even went as far as telling my mom that she hoped this didn’t mean my mom wanted him to marry me now. Of course, my mom didn’t. She couldn’t stand his family and the mere fact that a child was going to bond us forever was more than enough for her. We got nowhere when talking to Lonnie’s mom and figured we would just do it on our own.
I spent the rest of my pregnancy going to college and working part time in the kitchen of a retirement home. I did that until they fired me, because they were afraid I was going to hurt myself carrying heavy platters around on wet, slipper floors. I finished my first semester and went into labor 2 days later. I was so scared. It was the hardest thing that I had ever been through. I was so thankful that my mom was there to help me. Danielle was so beautiful and a really good baby. Lonnie and his parents didn’t come to the hospital, nor did they come by to see her after she was born. The saddest part about that? Lonnie still lived at home, two streets behind my house.
After Danielle was born, I had to quit college so I could get a job to take care of her. I was very upset about having to put my education on hold, but someone had to take care of her and I knew he would do it. I was receiving food stamps and money from the state, and when I started working those benefits stopped. Because I had gone through the DES process, the state forced me to establish paternity and file for child support. We got the paternity test, went to court and had child support established. Lonnie was so mad, he actually shoved the chair across the court room! They had an officer walk me out to the parking lot, just to make sure I was safe getting home.
Lonnie has only seen Danielle twice in his life. Once when she was under 12 months old, he went to my cousin’s house, where I was at too. He saw her and left. The only time Lonnie did voluntarily come to see Dani was when she was about 20 months old. He got to my house, completely full of himself and tried to sweet talk me. It didn’t work. The whole reason he came over was to try to get me to lower the child support amount that was ordered. It didn’t work and he left. Over the first two years of Danielle’s life, Lonnie’s girlfriend Melissa called me off and on, sometimes threatening me, sometimes trying to play nice, just to get me to lower the child support.
The state started garnishing his wages and I received my monthly child support payments. This worked for about a year. Then in 1996 the payments stopped. I filed a motion to have the support order enforced and we went back in front of a judge. His girlfriend came along, of course, shooting daggers at me with her eyes. He gave a sob story to the judge about how he had to quit his job because he had a conflict with his boss, then that he couldn’t work because he had a knee surgery. The judge ordered him to sign up with a job agency to find another job. Whether he did or not is beyond me, but he still didn’t make payments. We went to court again, and this time he told the judge that he couldn’t pay support because he was in rehab (yes, he turned into a druggie). He was also staying at home with his son. He and his girlfriend had a child, who was 9 months younger than Danielle. The judge advised him that if he didn’t comply with the court order he would be held in contempt and a warrant would be issued for his arrest.
Almost a year passed and he still was not paying support. I filed another motion to have the order enforced and it worked! In July 1997 he was arrested and put in jail. When we had our court date, I can not tell you how good it was to see him in jail clothes, shackled at the ankles and wrists. If looks could kill I would not be here to write this blog. He seared me with his eyes. The judge ordered that he would be assigned to tent city, and only let out to go to work. His wages would first be garnished by the jail to pay for his stay in tent city, then the rest of it would be sent to me. That is, unless he could pay $3000 to get out of jail. He was release from jail a few days later and from what I heard, his girlfriend’s mom helped to pay his child support to get out of jail. It was Christmas in July to get that check. I received a little over $2000 and the state received the rest to pay back for the food stamps and money I had received right after she was born.
I though this would get him to start paying regularly, but of course, it didn’t. I didn’t receive another child support check until April ‘98 for $109.81. We went to court again, and this time he was receptive to talking to me. He actually hugged me and apologized for not being there. He wanted to finally start playing a role in Danielle’s life. I was hesitant because I knew how flaky he was. In December 1998 the payments started regularly. He called me often to talk and by March 1999 he wanted to set up a play date to get to know her. In retrospect, I am so happy that I was skeptical and didn’t go through with anything. In the first week of April 1999, my sister called me and told me to turn on the news. I did, and dropped the phone when I saw Lonnie’s face on my TV screen. He had been arrested for sexual molestation of a minor. When all was said and done, he was convicted and sent to prison for having improper relations, exposing himself, and molesting some high school girls at the high school he was working at. So, of course, the child support checks stopped. I was inconsolable. The only thing I could think of was that for the rest of her life, Danielle was going to be remembered at the kid whose father was a sexual predator.
Lonnie got out of prison a year later, and child support payments started up again in April 2000. For the year of 2000 the payments were very random and spread out I think he may have been quitting jobs as soon as DES caught up to him. 2001 was a little better, though. He was paying regulary and I received payments every couple of weeks. I received my final payment of $111.29 on Oct. 26, 2001.
In July 2002 we were in court again, as I had filed another motion to have support enforced. When I got to court I was advised that our hearing was cancelled, because they were unable to find him to serve him. When I called the DCSE, the very nice girl told me she couldn’t tell me why they were unable to servce him, but hinted to me that I can find just about anything about people by searching the county records online. I went home and did just that. It turns out he had been put in jail… again… this time for possession of drugs and weapons.
I have tried to get the case going so many times since 2002 and have had no help in it at all. Lonnie has completely gotten away from having to deal with his responsibilities, yet he and his girlfriend Melissa, and their two sons are living a great life, taking vacations, buying nice clothes, getting involved in sports, traveling to other states for their kids’ sports. He is over $60K in the whole with me and the state won’t do anything to help out.
I have called the DCSE over and over again, and they said they are trying to build a case against him. I don’t know what type of case they are trying to build that has taken over 6 years to do… but enough is enough. It’s time to get serious about this. In January 2008 I was desperate enough to sign a contract with one of those child support collection agencies. I have not heard from them since, and it is now July 2008. It seems I am alone in this, and have to do it all myself.
Luckily, as he IS a sex offender, I can find his address by searching him on the sex offender website. If I can do that, why can’t the state?
